BLESSED-TOPIA : Chapter 12 - The Anal Dwelling Butt Shrew

CHAPTER 12 - THE ANAL DWELLING BUTT SHREW

Joel slid down the mighty beast’s food pipe, it was a bit like a water slide… only more bile, and spit, and blood. Not too great really. Still, he couldn’t stop himself. He looked to his left; Little Bozling was also sliding, crying like a girl. Joel looked to his right; Michaedeer seemed to be enjoying it, crazy bi…

Joel landed. The floor was squishy. Oh god. Where was this place? All three of them had landed on some internal tissue. Joel never thought he would be seeing this today. Next to him was a gargantuan pit. Inside it was a bubbling orange liquid.

“What on Blessed-Topia is that??!” Little Bozling screamed out.

Joel knew what it was, but was too scared to say anything.

“It’s obviously acid! We’re in the stomach you fool!” Michaedeer shouted back at him. Joel realised how lucky they were not to fall into it. Suddenly they saw something move to the side of them. They all turned sharply, afraid of what it may be. How bizarre. A mongoose wearing a suit, and a monocle… with a cane. Joel hadn’t seen anything like it.

“Guys… what is that thing?” Joel asked gently.

Little Bozling had to laugh, they had seen it before, “Beats us… seems to be a very intelligent form of mongoose or something!”

The mongoose looked at them all then spoke in a very Posh English accent, “Ghastly place this isn’t it? I was just taking my morning stroll when I was gobbled up and landed in here! How very droll!”

Joel was trying not to laugh at the absurdity of what was talking to him.

“There must be a way out of here…” the mongoose said, “I have a plan…”

The three of them watched as the mongoose dropped his cane and took off his monocle. He then, to their horror jumped into the acid pool in front of them.

“Right… now just a short swim across…” it said as it paddled along. “Oh no, what’s that?”

The others watched in horror.

“Oh blast… my tail has melted,” it carried on trying to swim across, “Oh… oh no… I’m… really in quite a lot of pain now… Ouch!”

They all gasped as the posh looking mongoose starting to melt away in front of them.

The last words they heard from it were, “What a spot of rotten luck…” and then it was gone. They all stood for a while, horrified at what they had just seen.

“I’d say… let’s not… go into there… “Little Bozling said. The other two looked at him, and nodded, knowing this before he had even said anything.

“So how do we get out of here?” Michaedeer said, trying to be calm.

“Well… we need to head towards…” Joel paused.

“Towards what? What Joel?” Little Bozling asked.

“The anus. If there’s a way out… that’d be it…” Joel finished.

The other two looked at him. “You can’t us to crawl out of his anus?” Michaedeer questioned.

“Any other suggestions?” Joel said back to her.

“Well, even if we do have to go there! We can’t get out of this stomach anyway! Look at that thing!” Little Bozling interrupted.

Joel smiled at him, “Follow me…”

They both watched Joel as he ran to the side, he then made a leap of faith. He grabbed what appeared to be a vein that was lining the wall. The other two knew what he was doing, and swiftly followed. Each of them shimmied along the vein.

“Don’t look down…” Joel shouted to them.

This is of course, a stupid thing to say. Why people say it I will never know. People will always look down if they are told not to, and this is exactly what Michaedeer did. And of course, in a panic at looking at the bubbling goo below her… she slipped.

Luckily Joel caught one of her hooves. She was much heavier than he thought she would be. He nearly lost grip himself, but determination kept him going. He swung her backwards and forwards, forwards and backwards then eventually released. She flew out his hands and hit the squidgy ground on the other side. She did a few rolls then eventually hit the wall lining next to her and stopped. Joel and Little Bozling managed to get across as well, and both landed next to her.

“I said don’t look down!” exclaimed Joel.

She just laughed nervously. “We need to carry on…” Little Bozling said, so they did.

They walked throughout the horrific looking body. It was unlike anything Joel had ever seen. Things moved. The walls dripped. The ground groaned. Not a pleasant experience.

Eventually, they walked out of the current tubular walkway that they were taking at that point. They came out into a new huge cavern. Two huge pear shaped objects stood in front of them.

“Is that the anus?” Little Bozling asked, quite innocently.

“No…” Joel said, “…that’s the lungs.”

“But the lungs are above the stomach!” Michaedeer cried out.

“I know… which means we’re going the wrong way!” Joel shouted, punching the soft wall next to him. Their whole landscape suddenly moved, groaning.

“Don’t do that again!” Little Bozling cried. Joel slowly moved his hand away from the wall that he had hit. “Right… let’s just keep going that way…” the small elf continued, walking forward.

“NO LITTLE BOZLING!” Joel cried, but it was too late. The mighty Danjamus that had eaten them breathed. Huge gusts of wind poured into the lungs. The elf being so small was swept up. He was dragged towards the huge lung.

“HELP ME!!!” he yelped out. He then hit the lung, his bum was caught inside a hole. The pressure slowly pulling him in.

“We’re coming Little Bozling!” Joel cried back up to him.

Joel looked around, there was nothing. “Boost me up!” he said to Michaedeer. She bent down and he stood on her back. She raised herself, Joel reached out. He couldn’t reach though. The pressure was getting more powerful on Little Bozling, he could feel his backside starting to be sucked in more and more. Joel took a step up onto Michaedeer’s head. She groaned in pain, then raised herself one more time. It worked!

Joel grabbed Little Bozling’s hand and pulled as hard as he could. The little elf came out with a satisfying pop. They all fell to the floor, panting.

“Don’t do that again…” Joel said.

“Don’t worry, I don’t intend to…” Little Bozling panted back.

They all looked upwards at the huge chasm around them. Joel looked to the side and then it hit him. “I’ve got it!”

He stood up and ran over to what looked like a big red water slide.

“What is it?” Michaedeer asked.

“An artery!” Joel cried back, “We’ll take it down! It’ll be fast! Come here Michaedeer!”

Joel must have been going slightly insane in Blessed-Topia by this point. What a ridiculous idea.

The reindeer girl walked over to him. He then grabbed her horn and used it to knife the big tube. Blood came pouring out.

“How do you know that’s the one?” Little Bozling asked, standing up and walking over to them.

“I don’t… but I got no other ideas! Hold your breath!” Joel laughed manically as he jumped into the tube. He disappeared down it with the blood. Michaedeer and Little Bozling shrugged then followed him.

Wow! What a rush this was! They were all building up some serious speed right now. Joel smelt around, it was hard to sniff anything above the blood, but then he caught the whiff he wanted.

“NOW!” Joel shouted.

Michaedeer leaned forward, her antler cutting the side of the artery. They all rolled out, covered head to toe in blood. They looked around, coughing. The smell was horrible. The worst smell of poo Little Bozling had ever experienced. Joel was used to it though.

“Well…” Michaedeer said, “Did we make it?”

They had indeed “made it”. They were in what appeared to be the rectum. Ahead of them was a light… it had to be the anus!

“Come on!” Joel shouted to them, starting to run towards the light.

Unexpected things happen every day, a man may come out suddenly to his parents as being gay. David Attenborough may get eaten by a butterfly. Perhaps even my brother Simon may smile for once. People accept these unexpected events, but this next one was tough for Joel to even take in.

He was attacked by a shrew. What are the chances of that happening just as you were about to exit out of a monster’s anus? It had a girl’s head on; quite young with brunette hair… however, it also had huge fangs and very angry looking eyebrows. Its fur looked like it had been stroked backwards. Blood dripped from its large teeth. It was clearly rabid.

Everyone jumped back in shock.

“My god… what is it?” Michaedeer asked.

“I’ve heard about this…” Little Bozling answered, “it was only a rumour about the Danjamus monster, but they say he once ate a shrew… it could never escape though however and went mad… it is known as the Anal Dwelling Butt Shrew.

Joel looked down at it spinning around in circles, chewing quite violently on its own foot. “Poor creature…” he said, “Let’s leave it and be on our way…”

He walked forwards, but it pounced. It grabbed onto his face scratching and biting. He would surely catch something soon.

The small rabid shrew tried to speak, but it couldn’t pronounce real words… it had gone mad. Instead it just spat gibberish at them.

“I MA NI OS HCUM NIAP! LLIK EM!”

Little Bozling walked forwards, trying to reason with it, “Please kind lady… err… shrew, let us pass and we will not disturb you…”

It pounced on the small elf. It began to chew on his ear.

“AGH! AGH! GET IT OFF ME!” he cried.

Joel picked the Anal Dwelling Butt Shrew up off Little Bozling’s face and looked at it. “What do we do with it?”

As Joel was speaking however, it surprised him again. As he said the word “with”, it jumped from his hand. It pounced straight inside his mouth. Panicking, Joel coughed, but it was too late. The small shrew was going down his windpipe. It had jumped into his body.

“Oh god…” Michaedeer cried, “Are you okay Joel?”

Joel stood there. He then burped quite loudly. “What do I do?” he whimpered.

“Not much you can do really,” laughed Little Bozling, “Wait for it to come out the other end!”

Joel’s face was quite white now. “Can we go now?”

The three of them walked up to the light, all they could see through it was white. Where were they?

“See you on the other side…” Joel said, he then jumped.

TUNE BACK IN TOMORROW FOR CHAPTER 13 - LOVE

(A picture does exist for this Chapter, I have my reasons for not putting it up right now... look for it at a later date...)