CHAPTER 14 - THE GUARDIANS
“I think… there’s no hope…” said Michaedeer. Her hooves were dragging through the snow.
“I agree…” Little Bozling mumbled next to her. His hair was becoming frozen now and slowly falling away from his head. A truly tragic sight when he was blessed with such beautiful blonde locks.
Joel however, was determined, “We must carry on! We never know what may be over the next ridge!”
The three of them were currently walking down a steep hill, snow up to their knees; all of them were incredibly tired and freezing. Especially Joel, due to the fact that he was still wearing no trousers!
Little Bozling looked at him then said enthusiastically, “I agree…”
Hearing this, Michaedeer stopped. “I thought you just agreed with me? And now you’re agreeing with him? Who’s side are you on?” she shouted at him.
The small elf whimpered and started to cry, “I’m sorry…” he mumbled, “I’m an elf… it’s my job to make people happy… it’s in my blood…”
“Well I don’t want to go on any longer!” Michaedeer shouted out. “I’VE HAD IT WITH THE WASTELANDS OF BLESSED-TOPIA!”
There was a rumble in the distance. They looked behind them. “OH NO! Is it the Danjamus again?” Little Bozling cried out.
The rumble this time though was much steadier, it didn’t sound like footsteps. Joel squinted to the distance then gasped. “RUN!”
Without question, they all started to leg it down the hill. Joel ran for his life, knowing what was behind him, the other two were just trying to keep up with him though. Then, it hit them.
The huge snow avalanche caused by Michaedeer’s shouting hit them. They all tumbled over and were consumed by it. They flew down the steep drop, rolling and trying to breathe in some air and not allow this snow to be the death of them.
I don’t think any of the three companions had realised quite how far they had come within the mighty Danjamus that had swallowed them. The real answer was in fact that they had travelled around 150km inside him… time flies when you’re having fun!
As well as this, none of them had realised either that the campers Mike and Emma didn’t just live within the wastelands… they lived in the OUTSKIRTS of the wastelands. They were nearly there. They just hadn’t realised this yet.
The avalanche ground to a halt at the bottom of the hill. They had survived. Somehow. They all slowly picked themselves out the snow.
“Right! That’s it!” said Michaedeer, “I’m out of here! See you guys later!”
As she went to storm off… she stopped again, looking ahead.
“I’m sorry Michaedeer…” Joel replied to her, “I guess you’re right… maybe there is no hope…” He then saw what she was looking at.
Ahead of her was a wall. A huge wall. It stretched for miles on both sides. Could it be…?
“THE WALL OF THE WASTE-LANDS!” Little Bozling cried, “WE’VE MADE IT!”
This gave them all a sudden boost, raising them upwards quickly and starting them all on a run towards it. It was at this point however, useless... They all reached the wall. It stood about 20 feet, much higher than them… no way they could reach over.
“How do we get in?” Joel asked them both, confused.
Little Bozling looked to each side, “I guess we’ll have to find… a door maybe?”
Joel was furious again. Would this never end? He just wanted to go home! He smacked the wall next to him with his fist. The wall, to his surprise, crumbled away. A huge hole now lay in it.
“Is that… it?” Michaedeer asked. All of them scared of the darkness through it. Suddenly they heard a voice through it. It was deep, and scary.
“You may not pass through here…” it said, “You were brought to the Waste-Lands for a reason… and for that reason… you must stay there forever!”
Joel looked to the darkness and shouted into it, “My name is Joel Maguet. I was sent here against my own will. I wish to speak to Santa Blessed, to return home… I bring with me two companions… we all wish to pass through!”
“Never!” the voice screamed back. Little Bozling’s head dropped, now looking at the floor.
Suddenly, to their surprise, they heard another voice. This time it was squeaky, sounded like a female voice.
“I think they should get through…” she said.
“NEVER!” he replied to her.
The two voices in the dark at that point starting to have an argument. It wasn’t a violent argument though, it sounded almost like an old married couple having a slight fall out. None of them appeared to be winning though. They two hadn’t realised that they had walked into the light however. They weren’t two they were one.
“My god… what is it?” asked Little Bozling.
The thing that stood in front of them was very strange indeed. It stood about 10 feet tall, but one side of its body was female, and the other half was male. The neck then split into two. A female head and a male head. Both had long black hair. And both had piercings on their lips. This scared the small elf.
The creature then realised they could see it… “Now look what you’ve done!” the male half of the thing cried out. “They’re not meant to see us!”
The female half then quickly replied, “Oh… I see… is that because you’re embarrassed of me?” She started to cry.
The male half looked at her and felt bad. “I’m sorry dear,” he said, “It’s just you never let me do my job…”
“What are you?” Joel asked the thing. Both of the heads then looked up at him.
“My name is Sam…” the male half said.
“My name is Rachel…” the female half said.
“And we are the Guardians of the Gate of Celebrity Land… you may not pass…” Sam said to them.
Little Bozling looked at Rachel and smiled, she beamed back. She looked friendly. The male one however did not.
Michaedeer stepped forwards, “Please… we’ve been walking for what seems like ever… let us pass, you don’t know what we’ve been through…”
“Tell me!” Rachel said, excitedly.
“Well… where do I begin…?” Joel said. “I was put in here by Brian Blessed through his beard!”
“Then he met me, and destroyed my house!” Little Bozling interrupted.
“Then they found me drunk in a cave and saved me!” Michaedeer continued.
“Then I fought off a porter dragon!” Joel cried, “And was nearly killed by a giant gorilla man in prison. Then defeated King Andy Small in single combat!”
“And I was molested by a crazy Australian man!” Little Bozling said.
“Then we all broke out of Castle W02, destroying it in the process…” Michaedeer said excitedly, “Then we were eaten by the Danjamus monster, and were attacked by a rabid shrew, then jumped out of his anus!”
Joel had nearly forgotten about that. There was still an Anal Dwelling Butt Shrew inside him somewhere. He had nearly forgotten about that.
“And then some campers put a love spell on us… and we…” Little Bozling then stopped, not wanting to carry on; “… you get the picture!”
Michaedeer then finally said, “And then we were hit by an avalanche and arrived here! So will you help us?”
Sam and Rachel both looked at them. Both their heads had their mouths wide open. Had they really just heard all that?
The silence was now becoming awkward, a tumble weed rolled past.
“I think... we should let them pass…” Rachel said. Sam was still unable to talk.
She leaned over and whispered into the other heads ear. The hand from her half of the body rubbed over his side, erotically. It was quite disgusting really. A huge grin then crept over Sam’s face.
“You’d do that to me? Really?” Sam whispered back to her, grinning. The two heads leaned in to kiss each other. Bad idea. Their lip piercings got caught together. They realised this when they tried to look at the three travellers again, but were unable to do so!
“OUCH!” Sam yelled out. “HELP US!”
“Come here…” Joel said quietly, walking towards them. The bit thing leaned down. Joel fiddled around with the piercings in their lips, and after a while, managed to untangle them.
The two heads separated from each other, both adjusting their jaws and rubbing their lips.
“Please…” Joel said one last time, “Let us through…”
This time, as well as Rachel… the head of Sam was smiling too. “I have heard your story young sir, and I understand all your troubles. You could have chosen to leave us… but instead you decided to help. That is not behaviour of someone that should live in the Wastelands…”
Little Bozling’s head began to rise again, in hope.
“You may pass…” Rachel finished.
The Guardian stepped aside, and the three all walked into the wall and past them.
“Thank you…” Joel cried enthusastically walking into the darkness.
“Good luck,” Sam said, “But be careful… not everyone in Celebrity Land is as nice as you may at first think…”
TUNE BACK IN TOMORROW FOR CHAPTER 15 - CELEBRITY LAND
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